Author and mother Joelle Wisler wrote a hilarious 10 step guide on ‘how to approach an angry four-year-old’. Wisler says she recently got into a disagreement with her guilty daughter about a yogurt she had eaten but was fibbing and said she never touched it. If you have a child or have spent any extended time around children, you know oh too well how a simple disagreement with such a small person can turn into a huge explosion.
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Wisler experienced this firsthand over the yogurt dilemma saying she was being “dominated by an angry 4-year-old”. The ordeal led the author to write a survival guide for other moms and dads so they won’t have to experience the agony of battling with a child.
Here are her steps found on her website:
1. Start with giving them a time-out. Realize quickly that you did not anticipate the level of their commitment to the yogurt that has already been consumed. It appears that they have associated the yogurt with “oxygen”or “will to live.â€
2. Suggest taking deep breaths as the child seems to be self-combusting. Call and apologize to your neighbors for the noise. Explain to them that you have a 4-year-old who wants a certain yogurt that has already been eaten. They end up apologizing to you and sending you a get-well package.
3. Speak softly, or loudly, or don’t speak at all. I’m not sure. One time, one thing works, and then the next time, I am told that I am a horrible, mean, no-good sort of person.
4. Create a diversion. Or focus on the problem. Do whichever but make sure you are wearing a protective coating of some sort.
5. Play soothing music. And then stop doing that, immediately.
6. Confuse them with your superior language skills. Find yourself hours later, rocking in a corner, speaking gibberish.
7. Approach slowly, or quickly, or run away. Choose quickly but know that any of these things will be the wrong choice.
8. Suggest a snack. Feel real fear for food in general.
9. Plead with them to tell you why they are so upset. Be prepared to not like the answer, as it may have the words “poopy face”in it.
10. Give into bribery. Offer bigger, fancier, more delicious yogurts. Yogurts that only princesses eat. Yogurts that can only be found at Disney World and you will take them there. They don’t care. They want the yogurt that they had already eaten and nothing else will do.
Many of the steps seem to contradict, but when dealing with children, it can be an unpredictable rollercoaster. Wisler later discovered that yogurt cup was in her daughter’s lunch from the day before and not the yogurt that she had that morning for breakfast.
“It was all a misunderstanding,” said Wisler. “Welcome to parenting a 4-year-old.”
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