Over a year ago, I wrote an article titled “10 Things I Hate About My Husband.”
So kind of me, right? What a lucky guy he is. Although that title would lead you to believe I am a self-righteous you-know-what who doesn’t deserve a forever spouse — let alone one as loving, understanding, good-natured, funny, and HOT as the one I have — I do have a great man, who has stayed married to me despite my planned and spontaneous divulgences to the internet world about his supposed “flaws.”
Oh yeah, and the thing about his unbecoming attributes, which I of course mentioned in the conclusion of that piece, is that he could care less what other people (myself included) think about him.
Not because he is vain or a jerk, not in the least, but because he doesn’t give a rat’s carcass if he is judged by anyone in an unfavorable light. He is confident in who he is, and he chooses to see the humor in every situation. He is also a die-hard believer in people being “real” with each other and owning and broadcasting their authentic selves.
His contention is that imperfect authenticity is sexy, and so are the relationships that are born and built from it.
So, here we are — you have me, a wife of 10 years, a mother for 7 of those, and a writer, who not too long ago virtually aired my grievances about the the man I love — still married to a great man and father who rarely bites his tongue or holds his opinion and encourages me to do the same.
Complete honesty can get messy, and it can be confusing, both for the confessor and the one being confessed about, but in the sake of fairness, with slight appeasement of those who commented that I am a man-hater, I have asked my husband for 10 things he hates about me, and here we go.
Initially, I felt as though my sensitive soul could be crushed under the weight of my obvious, yet pointed out flaws, but with each article that I’ve written, and the occasional comments bashing me from my appearance to my parenting, to me as a person, my skin has gotten thicker.
Now, here’s hoping I don’t crumble, as I share with you the 10 things my husband hates about me:
1. My rigidity. I do not, cannot, and will not bend. I’m a freakin’ piece of hard-a*s metal (as if there’s another kind) and I’ll give anyone a heck of a time if they try to change me or require me to overly adapt.
2. My anxious nature. I worry about everything and nothing and operate in a constant self-inflicted state of unease.
3. My tendency to overanalyze. I will dissect everything you say, every move you make, every look you give, how you are breathing and then misinterpret all of it while avowing it is the truth.
4. My eyebrows and my hair. This one flippin’ sucks to admit, guys, because of course, it’s never comfortable to discuss your appearance, but the truth is I’ve tortured both, leaving them looking a bit unnatural and me, well, a bit odd.
5. My uber-sensitivity. I’m offended by practically nothing and everything. Yep, that’s possible.
6. My need to always have a plan and at least four back-ups. Lord help you if you desire me to be spontaneous.
7. My occasional laugh-crying. Bahaha. Sniff Sniff. Occasionally? Yeah freakin’ right. Is she laughing? Is she crying? Nobody knows.
8. My selfishness. I tell myself I’m not self-absorbed and a big part of me isn’t, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t suck at truly listening to others instead of thinking what I want to say next.
9. My jokes — if you can even call them that. I’m not very funny, and my occasional attempts at humor can sometimes come off as mean.
10. My habit of making myself out to be a martyr. My husband calls me the “martyr of time,” and I’d explain that here further, BUT I’M SO BUSY THAT I HAVE NO TIME.
Anywho, guess what guys?
I told a white lie.
I didn’t ask my husband what he hated about me and not because I couldn’t bear the answers, but because I already knew them; because they are the same things I hate about myself.
You see, in relationships, and specifically, marriages, the only way the partnership will last for “the long haul” is if both people are willing to be brutally honest with themselves and each other.
Does it kind of suck to know I’m not perfect? Of course.
Is it slightly annoying that my spouse isn’t perfect either? Absolutely.
Still, isn’t it amazing and impressive that we still love each other? Heck yeah.
There may be few things I severely dislike about my husband, and there are without a doubt many, many things that he isn’t too fond of when it comes to me.
What neither of us hates about each other is the will we both have to continue to give our relationship and our carefully curated life together much purposeful effort and deserved attention.
I am ridiculously grateful to have a husband who, despite his flaws, quirks, and his diagnosed-by-me shortcomings, loves me enough to see past all of mine (and boy there are a lot).
Hug your husband a little tighter tonight, ladies.
I sure will be.
This story originally appeared on @jthreenme on Facebook