I have struggled with weight for as long as I can remember. We all have our outlets or vices. When your vice is eating, like mine is, you most likely have to carry it with you for the world to see.
As outsiders look on, they judge, but why is something as trivial as one’s body-size so concerning to the world? It shouldn’t be, but sadly, I don’t think it’s a problem we’ll solve in my lifetime.
I’ve been many sizes in my adult life. I’ve tried every fad diet. I’ve been glorified by people when I was on the “smaller end” and criticized by others when I was on the “larger end” of the scale. And, the truth, is I hate both types of feedback.
If people get excited that I’m losing weight, I take offense to it. Glorifying looks goes to show that we have now arrived at the better side of the spectrum, or are “more beautiful” because we’ve shaved off a few pounds.
My weight will probably fluctuate for the rest of my life, because I love food, and I use it in ways that I don’t need to. I have to work extra-hard today and every day to not succumb to food.
With that being said, I discovered this beautiful wisdom in my early 20s… Ready for the astonishing truth about weight and image and all the stuff that society focuses on?
Well, the truth is, the world has it all wrong because I’ve never changed. When it comes down to it, no number on the scale has ever changed me, the real me — Felicia.
When some people complimented me 100+ pounds ago, and when some people criticize me today, they’re confused. They’re not complimenting or criticizing the different girl that they think they see in the moment.
I’ve always been the same person. They’re judging the same girl.
Through all of my sizes, there are some things that have never changed: my character, my soul, and every ounce that makes up my inner-being. Those allow me to shine.
Losing or gaining a pound or more will never change this soul of mine. That’s a victory that no scale could ever give me.
Alas, I know who I am. If only the world did, too.
See, despite my image, I love the same, I care the same, chase dreams, show up, smell the roses — all the same way.
Is doing all of that sometimes harder? Yes. After all, I’m a human being. Sometimes our confidence takes a hit when our size changes. But, when I asked myself why this happens, I discovered that it’s because I allow it to. We allow others to dictate the worth of our image through their compliments and criticisms.
I’m not saying it’s wrong to tell someone they look good or they are pretty or fit or whatever else you see as pleasing and want to express. What I’m suggesting is that when we compare someone from their past to their present or vice-versa, we are essentially saying they are not (or were not) good enough.
We could all stand to compliment souls instead of looks.
Because souls never change. They remain the same throughout every exterior transition, and they define who we are.