Being a mother is always a challenge, and many of us tend to beat ourselves up for not being as perfect as we think we should be.
Deva Delporto is a writer and mom of two, and she understands that feeling of never quite living up to expectations (both our own and those of others) and wants to help us all get over it. Deva and her lookalike daughter wrote a pair of letters to one another for “You Do You,” an anthology about raising girls by Jen Mann. The goal of these letters is to convey a simple truth to one another: you are enough just as you are.
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“As a mother, it’s really hard to watch your child grow up and start to become self-conscious and doubt themselves,” Deva explained.
“I always tell my daughter not to rip herself down. That she needs to be her own biggest fan. Then one day she turned to me and said, ‘You do it too, mommy.’ I was taken aback and then realized she’s so right! I criticize my post-kids body. I’m hard on myself. I put myself down. And those are NOT things I want to model to my children. So we decided to write one another letters saying what we truly feel – that we are both enough, just as we are.”
Deva has now taken their letters and turned them into poignant videos that every mom should watch, not just moms of daughters. These short videos include old home videos of Deva and her daughter throughout the years, and they’re incredibly moving.
“Dear Daughter, You are enough. Just as you are,” Deva’s letter begins. “You don’t have to be prettier or faster or smarter or sparklier or cooler or quieter or stronger or anything other than what you are. Because you are enough.”
“I see you comparing yourself. To me. To your friends. To your brother. To random people you’ll never know. I see you putting yourself down. Telling yourself you aren’t good enough. Staring at your reflection in the mirror with critical eyes. I see you expecting yourself to be perfect. And I want to scream, DO NOT DO THIS TO YOURSELF. There will be so many people in this life that will try to rip you down. DO NOT DO IT TO YOURSELF. You don’t have to be perfect to be enough.”
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Deva encourages her daughter to be brave and bold, and to stay true to herself and love herself as she is right now. “YOU ARE ENOUGH. Just as you are,” the video letter concludes.
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In response, Deva’s daughter penned her own letter for her mom. The sentiments are very much in the same vein, with the teen telling her mother that she sees how hard she works and how much she worries, but she needn’t ever fear that what she’s doing isn’t good enough.
“You don’t have to be the perfect mom. You don’t have to be stronger or softer or kinder or craftier or make more organic meals… You think everything you do for us has to be a masterpiece. But that’s not true. If everything was perfect nothing would be special.”
“I see you beat yourself up whenever you raise your voice. I see you disappointed when you don’t have everything under control . . . I see you calling yourself out of shape and criticizing your body. But your ‘muffin top’ just shows that you created two children. And that’s pretty cool. I see you saying you’re getting old and staring at your wrinkles in the mirror. And that’s true. Everyone is getting older. But the older you get, the wiser you are and the more beautiful you become.”
The daughter’s letter ended with the same beautiful sentiment as her mom’s: “YOU ARE ENOUGH. Just as you are.”
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All moms need to hear this just as much as their daughters do! It can be so easy to fall into the trap of seeing only the negative and focusing on what we’re doing wrong. These sweet letters should remind us all that simply by trying to do our best, we’re doing enough.
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