Dear Mommy, Even though I can’t see you just yet, I can hear your pretty voice.
As I remain tucked away here in my damp and darkened, squishy world, I pay attention to what you say. I heard how happy you were when you first found out I existed. When you told Daddy about the ‘two pink lines’ he was so excited I could feel him hug you! He even yelled the words ‘TOUCH DOWN!’, whatever that means. I think Daddy is silly like me!
As the weeks went on, you sang sweet songs to me while you cradled your tummy, and told me how much you loved me and how you couldn’t wait to see my face. I couldn’t wait to meet you either Mommy, I just knew you were gonna hug me sooooo tight, and smother me in kisses all the time! I heard Daddy joke with you saying that if I was a girl, he was going to turn me into a ‘tomboy’ just to aggravate you, haha! My Daddy is so funny! He even said that he was going to take me to all the Daddy-Daughter dances, and said I would be his pretty princess, and favvvoritest girl ever! He said I would be a ‘Daddy’s Girl’. But Mommy, you had other plans. You told him that you thought I was a boy, and that you were gonna raise the next Alabama quarterback and spoil me rotten, (uh oh, Daddy’s a Tennessee fan) haha!
Well, the big day came when you had your ultrasound appointment so they could show you what I looked like on the screen. You were so excited to find out if I was a girl or a boy so you could get started on decorating my nursery and win the bet you had with Daddy! I couldn’t wait to hear your reaction to my gender! I felt the tiny tickles of the jelly wand thingy as they gently pressed to find all of my different little parts. I heard you giggle, and I imagined you holding Daddy’s hand in anticipation while you waited for the big news.
Then, after a couple of minutes, I heard the technician ask you to hold on a moment while she went to get the Doctor. It sounded like her voice was a little worried, but I’m not sure why because I felt just fine! The Doctor came in to look at me on the monitor, and I heard him say… ‘Well, it looks like you are having a little girl…’ (and then there was a long pause), and then he said, ‘BUT I’m sorry, your baby is showing strong markers of Down syndrome.’
I heard you start crying, and Daddy sounded disappointed with me and had an angry tone in his voice, but I didn’t understand what I did wrong. I wondered why the Doctor said, ‘I’m sorry,’ and why he made it sound like my extra chromosome was something bad. Why would somebody be ‘sorry’ I was here? I thought you and Daddy were so happy to meet me, why is it different now? I’m still the same baby aren’t I Mommy? Shouldn’t having a little something ‘extra’ mean that I am more special… not less?
I’m not scary Mommy, please don’t be sad at me. Please tell Daddy that I can still be his favorite girl, and that I can even be a ‘tomboy’ if he wants me too. And tell him that I’ll be a really good dance partner too. It is true that I’m a little different, but don’t we all differ in some ways? Down Syndrome is beautiful too Mommy… Will you let me show you?
I can tell you that I have the prettiest almond-shaped eyes you’ll ever see! I also have tiny ears and feet that can’t wait to be tickled. I’m also super flexible because my muscles have stretchy superpowers, isn’t that neat Mommy? Oh, and my adorable nose… it’s the perfect tiny size for Eskimo kisses. Even though I may not be able to walk or talk as soon as some other kids, that’s okay.
I will work extra hard to reach my milestones for you and we can celebrate each one like we’re having a party, won’t that be fun! What I lack in speed, I will make up for in joy and determination. I can even work when I grow up like Hunter who owns an ice-cream business, and like Bitty and Beau who have their own coffee shops! I also will give the BEST hugs, and the BIGGEST smiles! I will make you so happy if you just give me a chance.
I know the Doctor described me with words like… ‘challenged’ and ’disabled,’ but can’t I just be a person who happens to be ‘abled differently‘ Mommy? Why do I have to be labeled to sound like I’m not important and valued less than others? Can’t I just be your baby, instead of a diagnosis?
And aren’t all kids sort of ‘challenging’ in their own ways? We all need a little help sometimes don’t we Mommy? I heard Daddy reading aloud to you off of the internet about people like me. Those articles made me sound like I was an inconvenience… but why? Maybe if they would get to know me they could change their hearts and minds when they see that I have worth just like them. Could you help me do that Mommy? Would you be my voice until I can find my own? Would you fight for me and love me unconditionally, and teach others how to as well?
Can I still be the baby you so very much wanted, Mommy? I will be a good girl and make you so proud, I promise. Will Daddy still dance with me since I have an extra chromosome? I’m still the same baby I was when you were so excited over the ‘two pink lines.’ I’m the same baby you sang to and felt move inside you… That’s my tiny life in here Mommy, and I love you so much! I have the same heartbeat you cried happy tears over when you first heard it. I’m the same little girl that Daddy wanted to call his ‘princess.’ Can you please accept me for who God wonderfully made me to be? You’ve whispered ‘I love you’ to me lots of times before Mommy… Can you still love me now? I know you weren’t expecting a baby with Down Syndrome, but you were expecting ‘a baby.‘ Can I just be that baby for you Mommy… a baby who is loved and wanted? Dear Mommy… will you love me anyway?
Love, Your extraordinary baby girl… See you soon Mommy.
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