Wake up with a Smile

Join our newsletter

A New Breed Of Porch Pirate: Opossum Caught Red-Pawed Stealing Cookies.

An opossum caught on a porch camera stealing cookies.

BREAKING NEWS: The City of Southlake, Texas, is reeling over the recent uptick in thefts attributed to a porch pirate. The most recent incident was caught on a porch surveillance camera. The video is on the Southlake DPS Facebook page.

As the footage unfolds, we see a little critter stealthily walking onto the porch to abscond with the package. No clear identification of the suspect has been made. If you recognize this marsupial master thief, don’t hesitate to contact authorities. We created an enlarged image of the perpetrator, but there don’t appear to be any striking identifying characteristics.

Porch pirate opossum cookie thief scoping out a heist.
Image from Facebook.

From the sleek appearance, we can assume this porch pirate has honed their body to withstand a life on the run. He doesn’t have the slightly roundish abdominal area of most opossum bandits. As the video continues, we watch our thief approach the package with the nose of a seasoned professional.

Opossum sniffing the goods to see if this caper is worth the effort.
Image from Facebook.

After determining that the contents of this package would be worth the effort, our wily little porch pirate went to work. It took some effort to extract the sizable package of cookies, but our determined bandit was a workhorse. After stopping a few times to regrip the package, the opossum cookie thief was able to make their escape.

Determining that the package is worthy, the porch pirate opossum cookie thief absconds with the package.
Image from Facebook.

According to the Southlake DPS Facebook post, this incident took place on January 26. The day was notable as it was the 15th birthday of the son of homeowner Dr. M. The package contained cookies from Tiff’s Treats. The only evidence that the delivery had occurred was the never-deflating balloon and a package of icing that the opossum cookie thief left behind. The family discovered the nefarious porch pirate when they checked the footage the following morning.

Be On The Lookout For This Porch Pirate

Southlake DPS has issued a Be on the Lookout (BOLO) notice for this porch pirate. They describe the villain as short in stature, with an elongated, slender body and a prehensile tail. The opossum is a marsupial and a master of disguise. They may attempt to fool you by wearing a costume comprised of tiny baby opossums on their backs. The picture below is an example of a possible altered appearance.

A momma opossum carrying her young.
Image from Flickr.

They will blend in with most surroundings due to the grayish fur and low profile. If cornered, you will notice a mouth full of sharp little teeth. Their typical diet consists of ticks and other ground-dwelling bugs. As mentioned, they do sometimes carry babies, but not rabies. In many instances, they will “play dead” to avoid detection. The image below shows an opossum playing dead. As you can see, they perform an award-worthy portrayal of the death scene.

An opossum playing dead.
Image from Wikimedia Commons.

If you see the suspect, please allow them to go about their business. Aside from the occasional porch pirate adventure, opossums are harmless. Sometimes scary-looking but harmless. You can notify the Southlake DPS, but chances are the dispatcher might laugh and advise you that it is not a threat. You can deter the porch pirate opossum cookie thief by not leaving packages of cookies on your porch overnight.

This has been another breaking news post from InspireMore meant only to increase your smile quotient. We hope you were able to laugh with us as we explored the adventures of this happy little bandit. You can watch the entire incident recording below.

You can find the source of this story’s featured image here.

Want to be happier in just 5 minutes a day? Sign up for Morning Smile and join over 455,000+ people who start each day with good news.