I randomly discovered an hour of time the other day. The littlest kids were asleep and the oldest wouldn’t be home from school for a bit. The laundry was done, dinner was cooking, and the cleanliness of the house would probably pass a CPS inspection. This was a true hour when I could do anything I wanted. I took full advantage of this opportunity… I sat on the couch and watched part of my DVR backlog.
As I sat, I marveled at how lame my choice for my hour had been. It’s not like I could go out and paint the town red, I get that. But I probably could have figured out something more exciting than taking residency on the couch.
There was a time when I was cool. Ok, maybe not “cool” but cooler than I am now. I always had somewhere to go, something to do, and someone to do it with. Nowadays, things are different. I have become a homebody, I actively avoid making plans, and I can go weeks without seeing my closest friends.
The responsibilities of motherhood combined with the stress it causes can erode my energy to an unprecedented level of exhaustion. With this exhaustion, I have lost the drive to participate in activities specifically geared towards my personal enjoyment.
There used to be hobbies. Reading, drawing, writing, scrapbooking, and quiet walks to name a few. Nothing fancy but those hobbies were specific, voluntary tasks that I only engaged in because they made me happy. The realization that I’ve slowly lost more of these hobbies with each additional responsibility of motherhood saddens me. Motherhood involves sacrifice but losing the little bits of life that make me happy feels like losing a part of my self.
I am using this realization as a motivating factor. I need to actively attempt to keep some level of personal enjoyment in my life. As mothers, we need to teach our children everything, including how to find happiness in their daily lives.
I encourage anyone who finds themselves in a bit of a boring rut to break the pattern. I’ve reclaimed writing and having a creative outlet again is incredibly satisfying. Let’s all find something we can actually enjoy, even if only in a randomly found hour here and there.