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“I didn’t think it would be this hard and I definitely didn’t think I would be in my late 30’s and still single. Getting married and having kids is easy, right? It happens for everyone but it wasn’t happening for me. I began to believe something must be wrong with me, after all, that’s what people say when they hear of someone who is in their 30’s and still single, I can hear them say it now, ‘There must be something wrong with her!’
I’ve always known I wanted to be a mom and I knew I would be a great mom, but year after year passed with no kids because kids were contingent on one thing… getting married. We are taught at a young age, ‘First comes love, then comes marriage and then comes a baby in the baby carriage.’ But what if you can’t get to love?!
That’s where I found myself. I was just waiting for the magical man to ride in on a horse, sweep me off my feet and take me to fulfill all my dreams. But there I was 38 years old with no man in sight. It was time to stop waiting for Mr. Right. It was time to take action.
So January 1, 2018, I signed up to become a foster mom. There are two reasons I signed up: I had a need and I saw a need. My need was I wanted to become a mom and the need I saw was how there were 443,000 children in foster care across the US on any given day and I figured I could help one. So I got online and filled out the application, little did I know this simple step would change my entire life. Of course, I had people discouraging me to do it. You know, those people! The ones who have an opinion about everything. The ones who think just because it wouldn’t work for them think they need to tell me how it wouldn’t work for me. I had many people tell me, ‘those kids have issues.’ My response would be ‘don’t we all?!’ I have things I’m working through (don’t you?) and I haven’t been through half of what most kids in foster care experience at a young age. And since when do we give up on people because of their issues? I know for me when I was going through a tough time I just wanted someone to walk through it with me and let me know everything was going to be okay and God still loved me and will love me through it. So I decided my job was to take a chance and leave the rest up to God!
Adoption has always been a desire of mine from the time I was 7 years old. I’ve always known I would adopt and kids who were not biologically mine would call me mom, but I envisioned doing it a little differently, I envisioned someone tall, dark and handsome by my side through it all. I never thought I would do this alone but now that I am I wouldn’t change one thing about it. I was meant to do this and I think I’m pretty much killing this thing called single mom life! The thing about my story is, I didn’t sign up to foster and adopt 5 kids under 5, but once I met them I fought really hard to get all 5 of my kids in my home.
It was August 27, 2018, around 11 am I was a work when I got the call, ‘Will you take a two-year-old little girl?’ And of course, I said yes and then she began to tell me more about her. She was part of a sibling group of 4 and she was the last one who needed a home. The other 3 children had been placed in other foster homes so they were desperately searching for a home for her. She told me the time and location where I would pick her up and we hung up the phone. I was nervous and excited all at the same time. It’s like going on a blind date, you have no idea what to expect.
When I got to DCS to pick her up, I met her and her 3 other siblings and fell in love instantly. To make a long story short, 10 months later not only did those 3 siblings move in, but their mom had another baby and their 4-month-old sister moved in. My intention was never to have this many kids, but there I was with 5 kids under 5 years old.
I love this quote by David Platt, ‘We learned orphans (foster kids) are easier to ignore before you know their names. They are easier to ignore before you see their faces. It is easier to pretend they’re not real before you hold them in your arms. But once you do, everything changes.’ This is so true, once I saw their faces, once I knew their names and once got to know them I couldn’t say no. My plan was to foster one little girl, but God knew he had 5 kids who were meant to be mine. It’s crazy to me before I knew them God knew I would be so blessed to have them call me momma.
People always ask me what’s the one thing I didn’t expect from becoming a foster mom and for me, it’s my relationship with their biological family. When I signed up, I knew I would love the kids who would come into my home, but I had no idea I would love their family too, especially their mom. I’m very lucky because I have a great relationship with her. She has become like family to me, which I know is not always the case in every foster care situation. The reason it works for us is we both understand and appreciate our roles in their lives.
Yes, they have another mom and it’s not scary to me to share their love. Just because they love her doesn’t mean they don’t love me. There is enough love to go around and I want them to grow up knowing they can talk about her, they can love her and they can miss her without being afraid of hurting me. It’s not one or the other, we are in this together. We both love them and I love that I get to share this with her. They have two moms who love them, two moms who want the best for them and two moms who think they are the greatest kids in the world. There is beauty in the brokenness and I will forever look for the beauty that is found there.â€
This story was submitted to Love What Matters by Kate Wilson. You can follow her journey on Instagram.
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