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5 Ways To Help Others Change By Changing Yourself

picture of a woman yelling at a man

It’s frustrating when someone just can’t take a hint. When you’re trying to tell them something they’re somehow oblivious to.  But it’s hard to communicate this in the right way…

Here are 5 fantastic ways to improve the negative qualities of others without creating conflict of a negative outcome, give them a try:

1. Be the change you want to see. Demonstrating (mirroring) the way you wish someone would behave sets an example…which will rub off over time.  “If you want to change a mirror’s reflection, you must change what it is pointed toward.” Say your spouse has been slacking on their dishes duties, try picking up a sponge to show them what needs to be done. By showing instead of telling, you lessen the likelihood of a defensive scenario.

2. Change your own perspective. Getting annoyed with someone has no benefits; instead of concentrating on what you dislike, think of what you appreciate about them. They’ll pick up on your positive vibe and be more eager to make you happy too.

3. Use compliments. By lifting someone up through praise, you can immediately change their mood–a great start towards making change in other areas. For example, if your coworker can’t seem to get any work done, remind them how well they did in their presentation last week.  It will motivate them to produce something worthy of similar recognition.

4. Ask the right questions. It’s always better for someone to come to their own conclusion than for you to figure it out for them.  When we learn on our own, we change.  When we are told what to do, we resist.  That is why the art of asking great questions is so powerful; it can get someone else to contemplate and decide on something they may otherwise ignore. 

 5. Serve them. One of the greatest ways you can ever gain access to speak truth into someone’s lives is by serving them.  Not saying you should be someone’s maid, but the more you can put someone else’s needs in front of your own, the more they will love and trust you.  When that happens, you have a golden ticket to tell them the truth of needed change.

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