My marriage has had its fair shares of ups and downs. We’ve embarrassed ourselves and failed each other… but our love is stronger than ever.
The lessons I’ve learned so far got me thinking… what are some common marriage problems and how do we fix them? I did some digging discovered 10 things that most commonly kill a marriage and found some practical ways make things right.
Here are the 10 biggest marriage problems and how to fix them.
1. Now that we have kids we don’t have time for each other.
How can couples spend more quality time together? Schedule one date night a month. Even if the destination is a back-yard fireside chat or some similar low budget adventure, it will be well worth the time spent. Plan ahead so you won’t make up excuses to skip it. Remember, having a healthy marriage is essential to having a healthy family.
If you have no spare time whatsoever… just keep talking. That is the key.
2. We don’t communicate like we used to.
One thing is key for communication… willingness. For communication to happen even when times are tough, BOTH parties must let their guard down and be willing to disagree amicably.
At the end of the day, everything you break must be put back together. Take the time to listen to what they are saying and feeling. Pay attention to how they are reacting.
Even with an indignant partner that seems impossible to communicate with, a kind word can melt the hardest heart.
3. We are in a rough patch that seems never-ending.
Like the seasons of life, marriages have their fair share of turmoil. You might have bad days or even bad years… but every season will end.
Be hopeful and expectant that the next season of marriage will bring better days.
4. Deciding where to eat for dinner.
Seriously, this is a big thing.
Most of the time women want men to be decisive while men want women to speak their minds. So ladies, give your significant other your top eatery choice from the start. Men, when she truly doesn’t care, make up your mind.
Silly as this example sounds, the less you’re stressing over little things the better. Eluding small scuffles will keep your marriage sound.
If you truly can’t decide where to eat, try this.
1) You pick 5 places that you’d like to eat at. Choose a variety of places (don’t choose all Thai places, for instance)
2) your partner picks their top 3 choices of the 5
3) you pick where to go out from your partner’s top 3
4) next time, swap places! Have your partner pick 5, etc.
5. Saying the word “Divorce” out loud.
I promised my wife and she promised me, we’ll never say the word “divorce” in an argument. When you say something out loud, it becomes a little more real… and that terrible thought starts to grow.
It’s easy to pop off with mean comments while you’re angry – but strongly consider striking the word ‘divorce’ from your vocabulary entirely.
6. In-law issues.
Your husband/wife is now the number one person in your life. They come before your family. That’s the person you chose to be with forever.
When things get stressful because of extended family, just remember to love your partner well. Remind them that they’re the most important person in your life and that they come first. Be a team and work through difficult times together.
7. It’s like we fight on a cycle
Fighting with the one person you love more than life hurts. Bad. Disagreements are going to happen, but how do you stop them from evolving to a full-blown shouting match?
The answer at first seems pretty obvious, but these 6 guidelines will really help when conflict arises.
1. Empathy. Always, always try to see things from their point of view. It’s never just one person’s fault, and often you’ll realize it was just miscommunication.
2. Forget your pride. They probably aren’t fighting against you, but for themselves.
3. Keep your argument to the point, and be careful not to let it escalate beyond that.
5. Remember that despite the disagreement, you love them. They probably didn’t mean all they said.
6. Don’t be afraid to be the first to apologize.
Remember, as a couple, you are a team. When you fight, you either both win or you both lose.
8. Lone Wolf Syndrome
Especially if you’re naturally independent, it can be tempting to strike out on your own. But remember to take your significant other along with you! You’re on this journey together. That’s how marriage was designed.
9. Going to bed angry
Waking up the morning after an argument is no fun at all. Things are awkward and you half expect the argument to start up again.
It is going to happen once in a while, so make a promise to make a plan to talk at a certain time to make sure things are resolved. Sometimes, sleep really helps to clear your mind.
10. Unmet expectations
There are no perfect people. You and your partner are different, and that’s a good thing. You’ll stretch each other and grow together… but don’t expect your partner to be perfect. Make sure you both communicate your expectations so you don’t miss each other.
Relationships can be the hardest things ever, but they can also be the most rewarding. Practice good maintenance, communication, and working on the problems you know you have – and the rest will fall into place.
Share these helpful tips today.
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