Raise your hand if you’ve ever been judged. Raise your hand if you’ve ever judged someone else (out loud or even in your head). My hand is staying raised for both of those, sis believe me, I’m no saint. But it all begs the question – when did we get here?
This place of seeing one another only at face value.
When did it become OK to place someone under a microscope only to analyze and critique their every move? From the way they hold their baby, what bottles they use, the way they dress, where they work or don’t work, the kind of car they drive and the way they wear their top knot.
We toss opinions over the fence without warrant or ask. We chip away at one another little by little and defend ourselves by saying, “everyone is entitled to their opinion.”
Sis, NO. We are better than this. This isn’t high school anymore. This is real life. And in real life?
Motherhood is hard, I think we all can agree on that. It’s hard enough without the thoughts and opinions of others thrown at you from 150 different directions. We’re all our own worst critic. So worrying about what your neighbor thinks or what the woman sitting across from you in the PTA meeting thinks only magnifies that heaviness and that weight by 100.
Motherhood is supposed to be a sisterhood. A place of camaraderie A place of I’ve got your back, you’ve got mine. But more often than not, it feels more like cold shoulders and judgement. Isolation and loneliness. More like I’m doing it better, look at me.
They say, “walk a mile in her shoes” but sis we don’t even take five steps. We don’t even attempt to lace up the shoes or even try them on before we are 10 miles down the road creating assumptions and judgments about someone we don’t even know.
And why? For what? To make ourselves feel better? Right. Because we’re just so good at this mom thing that everyone should take notes of how we cruise through life. HA!
Stop staring down at your own naval and look up.
I’ve been on both sides of the fence sis, neither of which leave me feeling good let me tell you. My fence may look white, but it’s not cleaner than yours. If I’m being honest it’s probably more of a dingy beige with stains and maybe even some bird crap. Why? Because I’m not better. I’m not worse either – I’m just human and so is the woman sitting across from you. Remember that.
So today I’m raising my hand, not just in honesty, but in solidarity. A truce. I don’t care how you parent, what you feed your kiddos or how you dress. You are my sister. I see you and more importantly, “how are you REALLY doing?”
Is your house a mess? I’ve got you. Haven’t showered in four days? I’m coming over. Baby won’t stop crying in Target? I’ll be that weird lady who entertains your baby while you get the essentials – no judgments.
Why? Because we’re all in this together.
This story originally appeared on They Whine, So I Wine facebook page