4 Hurtful Comments Husbands Need To Stop Making To Their Wives

man and woman sitting close to each other and smiling while holding a phone and tablet

This article originally appeared on AllProDad.com and reflects their mission and beliefs.

Susan and I have been married for over 30 years and unfortunately, she knows what it’s like to hear hurtful words from a husband. We’ve had our share of arguments and miscommunications. I’ve been known to say the right thing at the right time. But I’ve also been known to say the wrong thing at the wrong time—and the right thing at the wrong time. Has that ever happened to you?

Communication in marriage is critical. I’ve seen a lack of communication and negative communication kill marriages. Whether it’s the tone you use, the words you say, or your timing, you must guard your words carefully. Here are 4 comments husbands make that offend wives.

1. “Relax.”

There are several ways husbands say this: calm down, chill, it’s no big deal… No matter the words you use, any form of “relax” is not what your wife wants to hear. These are hurtful words when they come from a husband. They come across as belittling, and it’s disrespectful, dismissive, and invalidating to say them.

Instead, let her vent, and find out whether she wants you to listen or if she wants you to help solve the problem. The goal is to hear your wife, see from her perspective, and not shut her down.

2. “What did you do all day?”

You might not say it out loud, but sometimes, a husband’s tone or attitude implies that he thinks his wife got nothing done during the day. It accuses her, and it says you don’t value her, that you don’t know what she does, and that you aren’t paying attention. This is especially true if your wife is a stay-at-home mom. You shouldn’t expect a perfectly clean house just because your wife has been home taking care of the kids.

Instead of looking for what your wife hasn’t done during the day or having unrealistic expectations, consider all the work your wife completes each day. Show that you understand how hard she works by thanking her for what she does. Whether she stays home or works outside the house, thank her for all she does for you and your family.

3. “Don’t be so emotional.”

Trying to get her to stop expressing certain emotions not only offends her but implies that you’re unwilling to endure discomfort for her. You’re asking her to change her emotions because it’s uncomfortable for you to see them. But your wife can feel however she needs to feel.

Your role as husband is to support and encourage her. Instead of using hurtful words and acting as if your wife isn’t expressing the proper feelings, opt for saying something like “I hate that you’re having such a frustrating day.”

4. “You’ll be fine” or “It’ll be fine.”

This implies there’s nothing to fix or that you’re unwilling to make an effort. And it’s dismissive and uncaring. As soon as you know she’s going through something difficult, you’re on the hook for helping her through it—and that’s what you should do.

Show concern and express empathy. Listen, understand, and see from her perspective. Rather than telling her she’ll be fine or the situation will be fine, be present for your wife. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is be present and say nothing.

Sound off: What other hurtful words from a husband do wives not need to hear? 

This article originally appeared on AllProDad.com and reflects their mission and beliefs.

Want more good news?

Sign up for Smile, our free daily good news email with over 600,000 happy and optimistic subscribers!

Share to Give!

Every time you share an article, we donate to Smile Train to help provide life-changing cleft surgeries to children in need. Spread good news, change lives! Learn more here.

$15.54 raised today!

Want to be happier in just 5 minutes a day? Sign up for Morning Smile and join over 455,000+ people who start each day with good news.


Give more smiles to children in need.

Support the life-changing work of our Partner Cause of the Year, Smile Train, this Giving Tuesday.