But while Kirsten may appear to be always-joyful and carefree, in a recent letter penned for Cosmopolitan, she confessed that it isn’t always easy being her. She recalls years spent struggling with feelings of inadequacy as she navigated life in Hollywood and in a competitive career.
“I had hit a point in my career where I began comparing myself to other actresses. I’d look around and wonder why I wasn’t considered for X job or Y role when I felt equally qualified and passionate as those around me,” writes Kristen.
“I became increasingly resentful and disappointed when my success didn’t line up with others’. I had, unknowingly, tied my self-worth to everyone other than myself.”
Her friends were quick to “validate” her feelings. “I loved them for it!” says Kirsten. “I was happy to hear, ‘You’re right! You should be getting those roles. You deserve it.'”
But Dax– who Kristen had recently started dating– had a very different response.
“He looked me square in the eye and said, ‘Are you crazy? This is a self-destructive path. You can only compare your current self to your former self. You’ll get a comparison hangover if you constantly measure your worth against someone else.'”
“Rather than coddling me, he was honest. Dax was uncompromising in his refusal to co sign my pity, wallow with me, and tell me I was one hundred percent right.”
As Kristen came to realize, “being nice isn’t synonymous with being kind.”
Being kind is “more than making people feel good.” It’s about “the high dive.”
“[Dax] showed me true kindness by putting himself in an uncomfortable position,” writes Kristen. “[True kindness] requires courage and vulnerability to choose to be honest with people when they may not want to hear it.”
What a great lesson for our own relationships!
Share Kristen’s powerful message today!